books, rant, Reviews, Uncategorized

The Reviewing Reel: Fever

Fever by Dee Schulman – I own this book in paperback

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I fucking despised this book.

And I’m not afraid to say it. This book was a pile of fucking shite.

I got it back when it was first released, in 2012, as part of a magazine subscription I had to Puffin Books (which was ace, by the way, I’m so sad that the magazine stopped), and I did marginally prefer it then to now.

As in, it was okay. Not great, not Derek Landy laugh out loud level, but not all that bad.

I reread it the other day, just interested in whether it was actually okay or not or whether I should just get it the fuck away from me. And I was disappointed. Not only do I want it the everloving fuck away from me, this book doesn’t deserve to live.

I liked just one character. Out of EVERYONE. And he was the sidekick to the most annoying male protagonist of all time.

GIVE MATTHIAS HIS OWN STORY, DEE SCHULMAN! REDEEM YOURSELF!

The female protagonist, Eva, is spoilt, a piece of shit, a definite Mary Sue Syndrome Sufferer. Let me quote some of the Goodreads blurb here:

2012 AD. Eva is brilliant – but troubled. Starting her new life at a school for the gifted, a single moment in the lab has terrifying results.

First of all, ‘brilliant but troubled’ is literally the oldest cliche ever. I don’t usually mind cliches, but this one was pants. Honestly. Eva’s fucking gorgeous, has an IQ higher than Sheldon Cooper, has loads of friends and literally studies every fucking subject at her convoluted sixth form for smart people.

Her troubles? She’s a cunt to her family. They don’t like her because of that. That’s something she should sort the fuck out, rather than blaming it on her mother trying to be happy. 

Secondly; ‘a single moment in the lab has terrifying results’. A really contagious virus, actually. And that isn’t a spoiler, it says it in the blurb. What kind of school puts that in a fucking science lab? What kind of school? The worst thing in the science labs at my high school was the amount of testosterone radiating off all the guys.

The male protagonist is basically a wet dream to anyone that’s into guys. Strong, handsome, a bloody gladiator… He has it all. And of course, he falls for cute, adorkable Eva. Because she looks like someone he had a  bit of a crush on back in the BC years.

WHY? THEY DIDN’T NEED TO? I’m calling it a first rate bullshit case of ‘love at first fucking sight syndrome’.

Eva is basically an anime girl – which is… Just so wrong. Feminism, people! She’s a fucking pushover, and falls for Seth’s weirdness wayyyyyy too easily. No wonder she loses her best friend, she was a first rate arsehole.

Seth is just a cunt. Sorry.

This is a trilogy. I will not be seeking out the other two books. The two sequels can burn in the seventh circle of hell.

I will begrudge that the writer is good at writing. I liked the style, it was easy to read, and this book is probably appealing if you’re under the age of 13. I might read some of Dee Schulman’s other books at some point, just to gauge whether it’s just this plotline or if it’s everything she does that’s bloody horrific.

But it’s… A pile of shit, really. 0.5 stars. It’s just that fucking terrible. Would not recommend.

(I’m sorry for all the swearing, I have horrific period cramps right now and I need to vent out my rage at a book. Especially this fucking thing.)

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